I can’t date him if he doesn’t have a car!

By Tosin Adeyehun

I read on social media about the story of an Akwa-Ibom bride who tried to run away (or eventually did) on her wedding day, when she found out that the groom does not work at “Chevron” as he claimed. What prompted my decision to write about this issue were people’s comments on the issue (most especially ladies), who decided to showcase their allergy to sense, tumbling upon one another on who could offer the best advice. Some even decided to bring God into the matter (that’s an issue for another day) and they all expressed pity for the bride and blamed all but her.  Then, I remembered the story of a friend who also claimed that her fiancée works in “Oil Company” (that’s the company’s name). He drives a “jeep” and managed to build a “mansion”, as referred to by my friend. I remember how she joyfully recounts tales of how he threw a birthday bash for her; an act which according to her earned him the world record of the best men ever liveth. Later, she realized it was all a fairy tale and she started calling upon God to punish the man. God has better things to do than worry himself over trivial issues; moreover, He gave us brains.

Recently, a lady asked me; “babe can you date a guy that does not have a car?” I thought within me; is that even a question someone should ask, most especially during this period of recession? She didn’t wait to get my reply (good for her she didn’t), when she gave her own opinion about the matter. She said; “well, I can’t”. I asked why and she gave the most bizarre reason of all; “I just can’t imagine it”. I began to muse over the issue, not just because I didn’t understand her reply to what she calls a question, I couldn’t understand why she gave such an answer. This alerted my mind to the ridiculous remark a friend made a long time ago.Jokingly, he said; “in this school, even if you get a coffin and put wheels, you are sure to catch a ‘good’ babe”. I took it as a hilarious remark and I laughed about it but I do not wish to take it lightly anymore; it sheds more light on my friend’s reply at that moment.

I tried to knit all these issues together to provide an explanation as to why some ladies view owning a car an alternative to wealth, and as a prerequisite for courtship. For those who think that owning a car connotes wealth, there is no reasonable explanation to an unreasonable opinion.You have no business in school if you are there. For ladies who make wealth a prerequisite for courtship, a lot of people call it greed but I call it a twisted desire to live a better life. I understand that ladies want to date guys who they can ‘pridely’ go out with and introduce to their friends; a guy with the car and all the swag. They love to be tagged as “the girl dating the big boy” so they can enjoy the paparazzi all the way. There is no wrong in aspiring to have a “better life” if that is your own definition of better life, just stop going about it the wrong way. Stop losing sense in your bid to live a ‘better life’. If you decide to measure boyfriend materialness by what he has in his bank account or the kind of car he drives, make sure you do it right. If what turns you on is the phrase; “I work in an oil company”, make sure it has a name and if it has a name, make sure to do a follow up (after all, you can turn into an FBI agent overnight if you sense an affair). Then, if you think it is a car you want, make sure it is his car and not a borrowed one.

Leke Alder once wrote; dating is an intelligence and information gathering scheme, as well as a comfort development program.  This implies that ‘Comfort development’ is an important factor but one should not leave out information gathering, for it is the data collected that should inform your marriage decision. Too bad it is this aspect that our ladies leave this out. Also, if you think it is money that turns you on, be intelligent enough to know and accept the source, don’t come out later and rant on how you didn’t know he was a yahoo boy or ritualist. For goodness’ sake, there is a way someone spends money that should worry you if you are notsuffering from acute senselessness. And ladies, please stop making wealth a criterion for eligibility, for you are heading for a rock if you continue. Nevertheless, it is important to note that this is not to psyche you into believing that it is a virtue to aspire and marry a poor unambitious type of man, or to stick with a poor guy who makes no productive effort in changing his state. There is a level below which you should not go but like a friend of mine said; be materialistic but be smart enough to strike a balance. Do not be hostile to common sense.

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