The Church and Its Spice

Thank God it’s Sunday. I wake up with the sound from a microphone, piano, drum beat and an human being’s voice as my alarm set every Sunday, because there is a CAC church in my street. Today, I woke up thinking Nigeria might actually be topping the country with religion with various spices.

In Nigeria, the common ones are; Cheribum and Seraphim, CAC, Winners, Redeem, Anglican, Catholic other ones we hear about once in a while are those coined out of these major ones one way or the other and truth be told, they all got spice.

The first of them is the Anglican/Catholic. These churches have a way of curing insomnia, you have problem with sleeping hit this any of these two. They got hymns that sound like lullaby, you can’t tell if they are preaching or giving announcement.

CAC are the ”fi’jo gbowos” they are good with drumming and singing. And they like harvesting. Every Sunday is harvesting day. Don’t try going forbid church and not be loaded. They bigger your harvest the bigger your prayer. Blessings are measured by harvest here most times. But at least you will dance.
I once met a woman who attends this church and I asked if she was not going to church that day, what she said surprised me. She said, every time it is church, they are not allowing her open her shop and yet everything with the church is about money. Lol.

C&S hmmm, quick to candles and the 7 spirits as they see it. Quick to seeing revelation and you can’t walk through their door without them diagnosing a spiritual problem in you. According to this church everyone has a problem and you have to be a full member to be free of these spiritual problems. They only read the Old Testament. Please don’t say I wrote this because another candle might suffer because of me.

Winners, the church of prosperity. They are solely on the New Testament, message only about how you will be rich, how you will come out of poverty and live in abundance, you must know how to sow seed here. Don’t forget those harvesting, here are the sowers. You here the message and you feel there is no way I will wake up tomorrow without being rich. Very manipulative, yet strong, it keeps you coming.

The Redeemed Christian Church of God is the lecturer’s church. Teachings of the word majorly. It is a good church for those who knows how to read the bible and know their God because you will be surprised that the person that just preached to you is the one doing the opposite of those words. Pastors act like kings here. No chill, they have to know you before they answer to your greetings and once they know you, you be like them. It’s like a circle you either belong or not. You cannot be recognised if you are not a worker and they like you givig them all your salary because the G.O once did it, everybody should do it.

The Deeper Life. Hmmm, everything is a sin here, from watching tv to bathing with non antiseptic soaps. Lol. No cloth is worth to be put on if it is not sack clothes. Maybe it’s just me, but I always feel it’s a sad people’s church.

Jehovah witness, I don’t know there service day anyway because they come knocking on your gate every Sunday. Maybe something helps them forget that normal people goes to church on Sunday, but they are those that refuse to go to church are their scape goat. They go on and on about a paradise here on earth later. They don’t celebrate birthdays, naming ceremonies or any if that sort. But they drink heavy. Lol. No chills there. I guess it’s a way to make up for  their “no socials” boundaries.

There are new ones like Seventh day Adventist, they don’t take offering or tithes, no drum and if am correct they don’t talk on days they fast. They write notes to communicate. The Eckankars I can’t say are Christians. I have nothing to say about them, the only thing I know is that they eat when they are fasting and they say they fast with their mind.

I better run away from here because soon, extremists from these church world’s will order for my head if I continue or go deeper. But to be real, there is nothing wrong with being normal once in a while, I just don’t know why Nigeria derives joy playing the opposite most times. God bless Nigerian Churches. God bless those who worship in spirit and in truth.

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